Susan Milam Miller, M.D.
Andrés Martin, M.D., M.P.H.
It Takes Two (or More) to Tango
My tango class often begins with the teacher asking us to walk individually around the room. The music starts and I begin practicing tango as a solo act. I slide and extend my foot out, toes first not heel, as I attempt to glide across the floor. Concentration marks the lines on my face as I focus on walking to the rhythm of the music; I stumble occasionally as I struggle to overcome the awkwardness of this new movement. I tend to walk in similar patterns, repeating the steps that feel most comfortable to me. My novice ability, limited repertoire of steps, movement preferences, and the lack of a partner limit me from executing more advanced moves as I dance alone. However, in dancing alone I master the basic walk (especially walking backwards as a follower), learn to move gracefully to the music, and learn to maintain my axis and balance.
The teacher then asks us to take a partner and the roles of each dancer are defined. A leader extends his hand and I, as the follower, move towards him and into the dance embrace to accept his lead. The teacher walks us through step-by-step of a new and often complicated pattern. A good teacher is far more than an instructor simply teaching rote steps; metaphors are used to teach the steps and the nuances of the interaction between leader and follower are discussed. When paired with a skilled leader, I experience worry about my ability to keep up but also feel excitement as I know I will be challenged with new steps. A good leader will provide clear direction and I am often surprised about my ability to dance steps I had never learned! A talented and experienced leader will also demonstrate patience and compassion while teaching a novice follower a new pattern. When paired with a partner at my level, I breathe a sigh of relief as I know I’ll be dancing in my comfort zone and will be neither challenged nor bored. When learning a new pattern with this partner, there is the opportunity for co-teaching and learning as we stumble through the step together. When paired with a leader who is more inexperienced than I am, I have the opportunity to help someone learn a new step and more importantly to convey the passion I feel for the dance and encourage the beginner to return to class. Traditionally in Argentina, men had to learn the part of the follower before they could learn that of the leader. While this method of teaching is rarely employed in the United States, it can occur in the all too frequent situation when there are more women than men in the class. Rather than waiting for a leader to become available, a woman can step into the role of a novice leader. From learning this role, I gain a new perspective on being the follower.
The class ends and the formal dance begins. In this setting, I have the opportunity to dance with many people. There are several choices I make in that evening. Will I dance with the same partner all night or will I change partners? When I dance all evening with a familiar partner I have the comfort of knowing his dancing style and of having an established relationship. I know what to expect. However, there are times in this circumstance when the dancing becomes repetitive, less spontaneous and less challenging. If I choose to dance with many partners in a night, it is likely that I will learn something new and I will be challenged by having to adapt to a different dancing style. There are disadvantages to switching partners all the time. With each new partner, I have to set the boundaries. Will I accept the invitation to dance? How closely will we dance together? How many songs will I dance with him? Once I start dancing with a new partner, I’m curious to see what kind of connection we can establish. There are leaders that I am never able to connect with – it feels like we’re dancing at odds with each other, there is no flow to the dance, boundaries might not be observed, our dancing styles might be mismatched, and the steps are awkward. With others, there is a connection from the beginning – the dancing styles complement each other, there is a musicality to our steps and patterns, we glide effortlessly around the room, and it is pure enjoyment. Most connections fall somewhere in between. Tango is far more than the mechanical combination of steps; it is an intricate dance involving a connection between the couple. And when this happens, it can feel like you’re flying.
Now step with me back into the shoes I wear most commonly, those of a first year child and adolescent psychiatry fellow. I start off each week in an evaluation/ consultation clinic with my other residents and attendings. Most of the time, I am interviewing the family on my own. As a novice fellow, I stumbled and fumbled my way along waiting anxiously for the attending to come in. Then I could sit back, relax and observe the attending who would skillfully obtain information from the family and provide them with needed guidance. This was a dance in which the attendings were leaders, patiently guiding me through this new experience. When I worked on the inpatient unit, I partnered with a colleague. We learned the steps and patterns of an inpatient child and adolescent psychiatrist together. As a fellow, I am in the role of the leader, teaching residents and medical students the ropes and encouraging their interests and passions. When I needed mentors for my career, I initiated the relationships and brought my experience and dreams. What truly enriches these mentorships is not just the breadth of wisdom of the mentor but the thoughtful and gentle leading questions that help shape my goals and priorities. As these mentorships change and mature over time, the roles can change. With psychotherapy supervisors, I relied on the mentor to guide me (sometimes literally) step by step through what I should say to the patient. As my confidence and skill level increase, less specific guidance is needed and more nuanced discussions occur. Eventually, after the supervisory relationship is well-established, a supervisor might seek supervision from me. Most importantly, when I struggle with a difficult case, I am thankful for the myriad of partners who talk, teach, support and dance with me through it all.
As in tango, in mentorship it is important to find the right person or persons who one cannot wait to dance with again and again. Mentorship is far more than the mechanical combination of steps; it is the mutual sensing of where the other one is and, on a good day, it is the mutual teaching of known and less known steps to one another.
Erica L. O’Neal, MD
Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center
Lebanon, NH
My thanks to Christoph Correll, M.D. and other colleagues from the pilot mentorship program at the 2005 Joint AACAP/CACAP Annual Meeting in Toronto for their help in developing this metaphor.
